I got's a straight-up boner fo' a killa!

We've probably all been up in dat biatch, starin at one of mah thugs so perfect, willin ta put aside our faults ta be wit dem forever n' shit. Infatuation all up over common sense yo. I, however, highly doubt most done been up in mah position. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da ghetto may be grim yo, but not like tha way mah ghetto has been.

I had been sufferin from problems fo' realz. Ail from Autism, Trauma, Depression. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I felt alone, forsworn, as if I was not a god damn thang mo' then dust ta be brushed aside when noticed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This had made all dat shiznit tha mo' of a surprise when one of mah thugs turned up ta like mah dirty ass.

Biatch was a bangin-ass creature, afro a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shiny amber, bloody scarlet eyes, n' a seemingly eternal smile. Creepy ta most yo, but you was given tha impression dat dat dunkadelic hoe was always horny yo. Her name was Raiko, a gangbangin' fittingly perplexin name fo' a perplexin person. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was rappin up in a gangbangin' faint monotone voice, as she axed ta go up wit mah dirty ass. Y'all KNOW dat shiznit muthafucka! Snappin outta mah shock from tha sudden admission of a straigh-up boner, I had found mah dirty ass up in tha aftershock of acceptin tha invitation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I peeped it, frozen up in a menstrual infinite regression, as dat freaky freaky biatch happily skipped off down tha school hall. Gigglez droppin from her open smile up in slick rhythm wit tha flappin of a piece of paper containin mah beeper number.

Afta announcin tha shizzle of tha recent events ta mah muthafuckas, I found mah dirty ass gettin locked n loaded fo' tha date. What was planned I had not remembered, so I found mah dirty ass adorned wit a nerdy hoodie n' some black sweat pants, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Knowin not a god damn thang other then dat shiznit was time ta go, I had slipped tha fuck into mah usual pair of blue sneakers n' was greeted by a adorable lil "Yo muthafucka!".

Da sun was just startin ta set as I saw Raiko idle wit her bike. Well shiiiit, it hit me like a punch when I dug up tha memories from earlier, n' as I valiantly mounted mah bike I followed Raiko tha fuck ta tha nearest Cinema.

"You've gots enough scrilla ta loot yo' own ticket, right?" Raiko shyly asked, watchin me confusedly frisk mah dirty ass fo' realz. As I admitted I hadn't even brought mah wallet wit mah she let up a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shallow sigh, followed by a "I be bout ta pay fo' you dis time." n' a gangbangin' finger-lickin' pissed tha fuck off glare.

As we sat there up in tha room, waitin fo' tha porno ta start, I kept watchin as Raiko kept shiftin round wit a odd unrest fo' realz. As tha lights dimmed n' tha silver screen turned a cold-ass lil cold steel color, she finally sunk deep tha fuck into her chair.

Da rap of tha flick has mostly escaped mah dirty ass. Da most I can recall is dat a gangbangin' farmin crew was trapped up in a lil' small-ass radiuz of they land wit a monsta n' shit. One father, one mother, one son, one daughter, n' one pet dog, all attemptin ta survive some blood thirsty nightmarish monsta n' shit wit a hunger fo' hyper-realistizzle bludd.

I noticed Raikoz weird behavior; her big-ass booty seemed ta express boredom whenever tha crew gots tha fuck into a heartwarmin scene, n' da hoe was visibly restrainin her muthafuckin ass from cheerin when tha monsta came up n' brutally busted a cap one of tha crew members. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch seemed ta trip off tha slaughta of innocents, n' was left up in a rough vibe when tha porno ended wit tha crew finally hustlin over tha monsta n' shit n' slashin it ta dirtnap wit a ax n' some chicken knives.

It wasn't until three minutes later, 12 o' clock, perfectly tha fuck on dot, the fuck on tha quantum level, I was woken up by a ringin noise from tha cell beeper on mah wooden nightstand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! My fuckin groggy lil wassup was kicked it wit by a straight-up uncharacteristic ramblin n' panting. From what tha fuck I could gather from tha swift vocalizzles, Raiko was feelin scared n' had wanted ta come over ta mah pimpin' crib. Feelin sympathetic fo' mah freak I obviously allowed her ta do so.

Peekin tha fuck outta mah freakadelic lil bangin' room window, dat biiiiatch was behavin suspicious like a muthafucka. Dis kinda shiznit happens all the time. Biatch didn't approach from tha front door, rather she jumped tha fuck over backyard fence, discarded some object dat shined up the fuck in tha laid back silver moonlight, n' had approached tha back door fo' realz. Although darknizzle-pussy-syndrome would have chained mah crazy ass ta mah bed at dis hour, I armed mah dirty ass wit a gangbangin' flashlight n' quickly let her in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Quietely ascendin tha stairs up ta mah bangin' room, Raiko seemed ta shiver wit possible fright fo' realz. Assumin dat shiznit was tha darknizz dat spooked her like a muthafuckin skeleton I thought I could do not a god damn thang ta help her on tha careful ascent ta mah bangin' room.

Biatch stripped off her threadz until dat duncadelic hoe was dressed only up in her undergarments, settin tha shirt, skirt, Nikes n' hoodie near tha fuckin door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Still up in mah pajamas, I had fished round mah closet n' uncovered a cold-ass lil crimson chillin bag, mah efforts was fo' not however, as dat freaky freaky biatch had already laid back nestled under mah bed covers. Feelin as if evictin her would be too cold n' just bullshizzle, I awkwardly slid tha fuck into mah bed as well. We fell tha fuck ta chill peacefully tha fuck up in eachotherz embrace, n' slept like lil' pimps together, until I woke violentizzly wit a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shock. Chockin it up ta a nightmare, I found Raiko was out tha fuck cold, as if not even a explosion would wake her big-ass booty.

I took dis as a oppertunitizzle ta catch up on some work I had been bustin. I was a audio worker, a cold-ass lil commentator, n' a game coder n' shit. I had some weapons ta script fo' a vizzle game I enjoyed, as well as soundz ta mix fo' them, n' a thugged-out demonstration vizzle ta make fo' em. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat I was overtaken wit lethal curiositizzle bout tha object I saw Raiko discard, n' why dat freaky freaky biatch had jumped tha fuck over tha fence. First, her threadz, I found some pleatz of tha skirt ta be somewhat darkened wit some shiznit stains. Da sleevez of her hoodie had some red crusty splotches, almost as if they was spotz of mestrual blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! I pulled some binoculaz from one of tha nuff shelves up in mah room, n' afta shootin' away at all dem birdz from tha window, I examined tha fuck outta tha perimeta of tha backyard fence.

From what tha fuck I could make out, there was a lil' small-ass handle n' a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shiny stained slab of metal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Da freakadelic lil object seemed ta resemble a gangbangin' finger-lickin' muthafuckin' freakadelic knife.

I would have investigatizzled dat shiznit as long as it took, even if it took until tha end of time ta smoke up what tha fuck it was, I would have examined tha object further, until tha same three crows fluttered back tha fuck up in revenge. Not lookin tha fuck foreward ta a lasorated face, I ended up panickedly slammin tha fuckin window shut. Lucky enough ta aint woken Raiko, I hid tha binoculaz n' quickly slid back under tha covers n' tha fuck into her chilly embrace again, n' fell tha fuck ta chill.

I raised tha fuck up again n' again n' again at 4 up in tha morning, dis time Raiko was wakin up wit mah dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was adorably yawning, just returnin from tha brink of chill. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Dat dunkadelic hoe dopely bid farewell, re-clothed her muthafuckin ass, n' dashed tha fuck outta tha door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I followed downwards, intendin ta feed mah dirty ass, as I felt as if I had gone nuff muthafuckin minutes without chicken, so I felt no risk up in a early breakfast.

I unwrapped a homemade loaf of bread, courtesy of mah dear grandmuthafucka, n' as I opened tha knife drawer ta reach fo' suttin' ta cut a cold-ass lil couple slices, n' there I found a funky-ass knife wit hyper-realistizzle bludd all tha fuck over the muthafuckin blade. I had no clue why dis was here yo, but me n' Raiko was tha only two awake at dis hour, so it didn't take much deduction ta decizzle dat dat freaky freaky biatch done did dat shiznit.

I felt tha fuck as if I was a thugged-out detective, I kept findin clues, which eventually I had ended up tracin dem ta Raiko fo' realz. As you might imagine, afta uncoverin nuff muthafuckin thangs, I grew a lil distant from Raiko. I remember da most thugged-out blingin items, a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shred of denim wit hyper-realistizzle bluddstains, a gangbangin' fruity-ass malt liquor stained note wit a thugged-out dirtnap threat scribed onto it, n' da most thugged-out notable, another knife wit hyper-realistizzle bludd. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.

Da relationshizzle I had wit Raiko fuckin started ta decay like a rottin muthafuckin tree. Well shiiiit, it finally fell tha fuck over when I turned onto tha late night shizzle fo' realz. A cappin' story, tha victimz eyes was apparently cut up n' shoved tha fuck into a exposed chest cavity, tha lungs was ripped up n' thrown a lil bit away from tha corpse. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Slash marks was coverin tha arms, tha throat was slit tha fuck open, n' tha tongue was cut up like a muthafucka fo' realz. At tha moment tha corpse description was finished, Raiko was already up in tha room.

Raiko was still, as if dat dunkadelic hoe was frozen up in tha pussay of da biatch we call entropy, her big-ass booty shivered like one of mah thugs freezin ta dirtnap. I axed if dat biiiiatch was all gravy yo, but she only responded wit a straight-up on tha down-low "Yo ass still gots a straight-up boner fo me, right?". Her attempt ta be thugged-out was not lost upon me, I axed why dat biiiiatch was askin such a thang yo, but she only repeated her muthafuckin ass again.

This volley went on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I axed why dat biiiiatch was askin that, she axed if I still gots a straight-up boner fo' her dirty ass again. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. I axed what tha fuck she knew bout tha murder, she repeated her muthafuckin ass. I axed if dat biiiiatch was involved up in any way, she repeated her muthafuckin ass. I pulled up mah phone, n' then Raiko jumped on mah dirty ass.

Biatch hit me up in tha head, I can vaguely remember wakin up in her crib, on her bed up in her bangin' room. My fuckin beeper was on tha other side of tha room, n' Raiko was watchin me like a hawk, a knife up in her hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "Yo freakadelic lil ass saw nuthin but all gravy. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka. Dis shiznit never happened, eva." her big-ass booty holla'd, her faint lil voice now a lil louder n' mo' stern, so check it before ya wreck it. This kinda shiznit happens all the time. Raiko sounded straight-up determined ta keep me from spittin some lyrics ta anybody bout all dis gravy.

I finally connected tha dots, tha evidence, her erections, n' her behavior. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Raiko was da most thugged-out likely suspectizzle, dat corpse on TV n' a cold-ass lil couple other playas was her suckas. I was up in disbelief, Raiko was so dope, so cute, dat shiznit was unbelievable dat dat biiiiatch would done been guilty of such a cold-ass lil crime. When she left tha room, long enough fo' me ta booty-call tha police, I still had mah doubts.

Biatch came back tha moment I finished tha call. That was when Raiko snapped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch pulled tha knife, n' pinned mah crazy ass ta tha wall, then repeatedly slashed mah ribs. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch cut me twice before I gave a quick jab ta her stomach. I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Biatch recoiled up in pain, rockin tha break I flew up tha room all up fast like muthafuckin litning! I crawled tha fuck into tha kitchen, n' hid mah dirty ass up in a cold-ass lil cabinet. I did mah dopest ta remain silent as I heard Raikoz bare feet steppin on tha kitchen tile.

As she ripped opened tha cabinet like a funky-ass xenomorph rippin open a cold-ass lil crate of humen, I heard five-o sirens up in tha distizzle fo' realz. As she pushed mah crazy ass ta tha floor, knife blade ta mah throat, da hoe fuckin started bustin up fo' realz. As tha respondin fools grabbed her, I heard her yell up "How tha fuck could yo phat ass do dis shiznit to mah big-ass booty?!" over n' over again, as if dat biiiiatch was a mad salty fucked up record.

I felt weird. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I felt as if I had done suttin' wrong, although I knew I did suttin' right. I felt sorry fo' her, n' yet I felt aiiight dat tha nightmare was over n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was dope like sugar yo, but hard like candy. Did I do tha straight-up gangsta thang, biatch? Or tha wack thang, biatch? In muthafuckin short, I really don't give a fuck bout dat dunkadelic hoe no mo', n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

~TheMuthafuckaWhoLicksTheFuckOuttaMustard