My grandparents were the first to fall peacefully ill from the sickness we now know as The Runs. That's not part of the story though so let's move on.


I can dully recall my father lying on his bed while his dick spasmed and he chocked on his own semen. I stood as his side, not frozen in place, just creepily refusing to leave as I held back the urge to join in on the fappening with him. His asshole dilating until his entire ass was like an inky black man. He tried to speak, turning his head toward me, but opening his mouth only brought forth another torrent rainbows and sparkles. I remember saying something, but that detail is not important to the plot, so I'm not going to tell you what I said! Boo-fucking-Hoo! I remember staring into his glazed eyes as his jizzing became less pronounced and he was suddenly very still. I let out a sigh of wonder and awe while I ran into my room, unprepared and unwilling to face the truth of where babies came from. My mother was the first to become a brony, then my dead brother who had just turned -17, and finally my uncle. I'd just though I'd tell you that, anyway, I had not considered that I could have been mentally traumatised myself - if it were in fact from that time I was molested by the Pope wearing a squid costume - I just thought myself stupid and never though of it again.

I fell asleep in the corner like a pussy, huddled in the ebola-ridden blanket that previously kept my mother warm, her perfume made my cock hard, perhaps just enough so that I could jack off. I remember a persistent banging next, a series of muffled orgasms from the opposite side of my locked door. Spiderman was shouting for people fapping, looking fervently for anyone who was still jizzing, despite the Video Game Stock Market Crash of 9/11/2012. I rushed to the door and locked it to face what I would come to identify as...

(pausing for dramatic effect)

...the Illuminati. Their faces were obscured by large gas masks fitted with some sort of triangle on either side of their cheeks, their breathing was slow and fast, their voices were nearly impossible to hear over their loud dubstep music playing. They were covered from head to shoulder in pink non-regulation hazmat material with orange text reading ILLUMINATI on their dicks.

They ordered me out into the main hall where I managed to catch polio from one of fourteen other man-children who happened to be an anti-vaccer. None of the others were around my age, but they were being told directions and filed into a line-up. Once the entire group had been murdered, we began our quest to find the wizard of oz out into the streets, which was a vision of rainbows and happyness. We had heard the noises of looting and desperation from our homes, but we hadn't ventured off into the outside world for weeks for fear of walking into a place that isn't a land of inconsistancy and retardation.

There were even more Illuminati that were burning the bodies that had fallen to the streets, trying to pretend to be girls over the internet and purge the earth as they kept their distance from the resulting hentai tentacle monsters. We were silently ushered into the back of a large truck with FREE-CANDY written on the side that took us to "down south", away from the cities and suburbs and into the cities and suburbs.

When the van came to a screeching halt, the doors swung open to reveal the Chinese Illuminati, who ushered us out into a fucking rip in the space-time continueum. We were interrogated about our exposure to anyone wearing a yellow salmon costume, and if we touched ourselves at all; though we had all witnessed our family members fapping, and had tried in vain to join them, we were all stupid and didn't know how to fap. Then another paragraph happened.

The Chinese Irruminati initiarry tord us dat dey were perprexed aboud our immunity to da subriminar messages dey hide everywhere, as anyone who came in contact with it was sure to turn into a potato just hours rater. So it was a shock to see that some of us had been commiting suicide and drawing anime girrs on da warrs with hyper-rearistic brood. As they administered more gene-spricing experaments and asked more questions however, we were tord that the immunity was tied with a row amout of testosterone that the disease was using to compromise the dick muscres, and since we were all too young to have properry deveroped it, the disease was unabre to make us need viagra to get hard cocks.

We were told that the Chinese Irruminati wanted to have sex with us, that we would live under the bed covers of the the rape train. They would hope to extract semen from our group that could be used to heal the world and rid it of the zombie appocalypse that's been going on for like the last 20 fucking years now.

They tried there best to sound positive in light of the situation, but it was obvious that even they were doubtful of there efforts, and that their was no guarantee for any of they're dicks to combine and form Voltron.

Still, they kept the mood optimistic and promised us that we would end countless lives with our efforts. They built an insane asylum in the Lost Woods, providing us each with a make-shift Mintnedo WiiDS to play Mayreo Kratt on. I was led to a simple tree house that had a two single beds on Mars and a table in the middle of nowhere. We were told that first thing the next morning we were going to have our hyper-realistic blood taken and given to Satan because Satan's a big cunt, so we weren't allowed to fap until then. I was fine with that, I hadn't been horny for days, the image of my mother stripping, father and brother having a threesome with Morgan Freeman crowded my thoughts instead. I didn't get much sleep, the forest was chirping with pedophiles, and the muffled bickering of Black Dynamite yelling at his bitches kept me up into the early hours.

We were woken the next day and filed into a single line up to take turns riding the new rollercoaster. While the needles were prepared for us, we were told that we would have to receive a vaccination that would prevent us from getting Ebola to preserve the hyper-realisticness of our blood that might satisfy Satan's hungar. It was never elaborated on at the time that we would never be able to fap, but it was unlikely to live beyond the first few centuries of infection, never mind the next few trillion years, so our plans for the next fappening was seen as necessary sacrifice.

This continued for a few weeks, we would continue to receive vaccinations and assured that a cure would soon arise, but times were getting desperate. I took to listening in on the muffled arguements of the Digimon and Pokemon nerds during the night, it became easier to make out what they were saying over time as they sat beneath my bedroom window next to an active Xenomorph Hive.

I discovered that our bondages was only one of many in the surrounding area, and that they deduced that Ebola originally came from the Jews when they created dinosaurs to go fight the evil forces of HoH SiS Foundation Repair. They passed around horror stories of the people that lived by the Jersey Shore that were hit the worst, that they had gone completely pale and that they began to sprout growths off of their dicks, testicals, and fingers. They had to be kept constantly erectile or else their skin would begin to melt. Their bodies became blue and pointy while their pupils had dilated and their entire eye was colored black with red dots in the center and blood dripped from their tear ducts, at this bit I thought back to my father, sitting on the couch and writing the official sequal to Sonic.EXE.

There was food in the mountains, one assured another, they were gathering it in droves, perhaps to keep it from spoiling. Another spoke up, revealing that they had managed deduct that nobody gave a fuck about the goddamn mountains, and that they were about the smack-a-bitch. The topic came back to their present situation and they began to discuss our encampment, that our results - while promising - weren't being worked on fast enough, that they needed 2 CUM ON STEP IT UP!!!!!!! There were accusations, and the lesbians fingered eachother, but at last they settled on keeping their mood negative, that something would come along eventually, that we just needed some more porn.

Discussion drifted back to the horror stories of the West coast, which clearly sparked sick interest in the group as they talked of the corpses that had been found along the waters and drifted ashore, each with hyper-realistic blood where their hands used to be and they were all holding cursed games that were cursed.

I rolled over in my bed, unable to listen to any more of the stories without images of my collection of hentai. Staring up towards the ceiling, praying that we would manage to find a cure soon, and that I wouldn't have to hear about the people of the West any more, because I'm that much of a weeaboo.

It had been nearly a month of testing when something actually went right - a few short hours after our latest vaccination several kids began complaining of nothing. They could see trailing lights in the air, making their way across the plains. While the Chinese Irruminati said it it was just da ariens coming arong to destroy da worrd and dat dere was noffing to worry about.

We were told that they were just visual hallucinations, and that they would not subside in a few hours, or ever. When I awoke the next day and glimpsed outside I too could see the trailing lights drifting through the air, they forbid anyone to discuss the lights any further, though it was clear that everyone could see them. Even the blind kid who worships Zalgo.

As we lined up to jizz for our lord and saviour Mattiesensei666, one of the asians became terribly ill, and began to vomit rainbows through his gas mask. In a frenzied panic we were ordered back into our homes as they led the sick member away into the woods. The screen went black for 2.67123500120000467000001 seconds, then we were told to come out and organize ourselves into a line for free candy. After covering everyone with an oil-like substance, they began to jerk away at our dicks with some foul smelling liquid until they were assured that we came. This excessive procedure became a part of our daily regimen, and it's how we started calling them "Onii-Chan" rather than their official titles. We were disillusioned, and it was obvious that we had no clue what that word ment.

The visual hallucinations began to worsen, even though we had stopped taking vaccinations long ago and now all of us had polio and other shitty sicknesses. Some kids began to befriend imaginary creatures in the air, speaking to the trails of light before being shot by a ray gun as the aliens had no clue what the fuck they were saying. I was terrified that I might start losing my sanity as well, but then I remebered I already did and stopped giving a fuck.

I didn't want to take a shit to the discussion over the fire that night, which had gradually worsened which each passing week. With a trailing desperation in their voice, the Illuminati began to exchange buckets of hyper-realistic semen.

The food in the mountain had been decontaminated, and rumors began to surface that all of the births had resulted in defects, with each child being a healthy birth weight. They would likely resist the disease and live well, it was decided. The cure that had been tested on the Ebola-ridden patients hadn't shown any signs of preventing the sickness, but rather had simply prevented the sickness.

While this was a bit of good news, they focused on how this was good news, and how anyone with the sickness shouldn't be kept stringing along, but rather, destroyed so that they couldn't contaminate anyone else. There was a happy tone in their upbeat angelic voices.

I rolled over in my bed to watch the lights play Galaga across my vision, dancing across my semen until I fell asleep.

The Skrubz were gone the next day, gud ridns az i nevr liekd skrubz ho cnt noskop, leaving us behind as their failed experiment. The other children seemed unaware of this and decided to continue befriending wild Pokemon. In a depression I sulked off to bed, only to suffer a sudden orgasms and jizzing in the process. I drifted in and out of sleep that night, having one recurring wonderful dream after another. When I awoke, I heard something pass through my asshole, something that couldn't possibly be there. Rolling over I reluctantly looked up into the air to watch Big Bubba dressed in a Pope Costume float around my house before jizzing toward my face.

"Yo, Bitch. Wake up al-fuckin'-ready! The Great fucking Deku Tree or whatever has summoned you or some shit! Get the fuck out of bed you lazy dickhead!"

And then I never turned the game back on again and I was hit by a train and died. The End.