NOTE:This story was deleted from Trollpasta for the following reasons - "Shit post: Yet another unfunny fucking Sonic.exe parody"
AN: HOLY FUCKSHIT!!! Why are you reading this? Here's the improved version that's actually funny.
I'm a microscopic ceiling fan of the Super Hexagon series, like every existing organism. I broadened down to the hipster Super Hexagon animu shows though, because I think the rest Terry Cavanagh had spawned was poo-poo all over a gay man's face. If you disagree then kill yourself you sleazy cunt lol.
I was browsing Etsy (hipster E-bay) the other day. I wondered if there would be any items about my favourite character from the series, Square. Indeed, what I found was a dildo that was manufactured in HEXAGON WORLD of OpTic Headquaters, which closed down due to the lack of swag in 200X. Those Square dildos were very had to fit in, but I didn't have the knowhow to use it in and my parents would love me for it. I examined the dildo for a while as the article came with pictures. This Square even had it's, actually, that doesn't matter. On it, was written with a permanent marker "JOJ". I don't really know what it meant. Probably the initials of some ded kid who haunts it or some shit.
I clicked the butt to return to the "Super Hexagon Hentai" search, knowing I wouldn't win the game anyway because I suck, only to find another article had appeared. "SUPER HEXAGON ANIMU ALL SEX SCENES" with the price of $9,999.99 on vibrate. Super Hexagon DVDs were never exist. (lol random parenthesis, spooky!) So, as sad as I was, I wanted to re-watch the animu and checked out the article. It had no descriBtion and no dress where it came from. Germany, Canada, etc, that's like teh hole world right there. It was missing and the shipping price was stated to be three-hunded dorrars. I looked up at the photo of the article. It was a blank CD DVD VHS. I've decided to buy it anyway. Not just for the Nostalgia Critic, but the writing was great and I loved YuriOfWind in this series.
Well... It all started when the mail arrived. Those other paragraphs, not cannon apparently. Didn't happen, go ahead and forget 'em. Anyway, It arrived the next morning... oddly, it was the Sabboth... I was happy to receive the episodes and immediately put the mailman to death by stoning. I then shove my dick into my Xbox, starting the VHS. Sadly, the VHS didn't start, but I happened upon to stumble a moonstone, so I opened the folder and saw a SSVOpenHexagon.exe application. I was confused at it being an EXE, but I started it anyway and indeed, it was playing a vidya gaem. The level "Polyhedrug" began. The level started out all normal, along with the hyper realistic text. No blood or semen, dot dot dot. But the sad thing was that my computer Ultraviolet-screened when the sexing scene of DaThings1 and Triangle started. (When Triangle walks over to DaThings1 and kisses his unusual hat, he calls that shit gaaaaay nigga! and shoots his ass up! and it was so kawaii-desu too!) The compooter reshitted and I took out the pumpkin as I thought it erectile-disfunctioned and threw it away. I could've asked the person to give me my money back, but he can keep the 1 dollars I gave him, all the 1 dollars. I mean dot dot dot It's just a dollars.
I continued to abnormally browse the outernet, speak to strangers on Skype who show me their dicks and shit on the camera. Nothing was wrong until, when I was watching a random Porno video, my cursor (The white kid, in case you don't know.) started to partially SPAS-12 out. I disconnected my meat, but the sanic continued to go fast. I even deactivated my sexray machine and it continued. Suddenly, it came to a stop and I carried on, forgetting what had happened because I need to pad this story out somehow. Soon, I found myself torrenting for Open Hexagon since I don't have it anymore. Fun game. As soon as it had download I started up my fappening and begun the game in fullscreen mode, but, oddly, the complete screen went black and never came back. I shrugged it off and waited for the game to start.
The familiar "Open Hexagon" voiceover didn't sound. Well, it did, I lied to you, signed: the author. but it was slowed down so much it sounded angelic and it gave me an orgasm. The background remained black and Triangle didn't do jack shit. It faded to black and some text appeared. I first thought it was a red font, but it looked like it was scratched into my computer screen. "Gurl u ain't sen mah dankness yet" I blinked and flinched as the main screen came on. The sky was a sky and the, like right before a Darude - Sandstorm. The mountains were mountains and there were no mountains you bitch. It even looked like shit. I was amazed at the no detail, but it also scared me. "Music by Bossfight" was now replaced with "Muzik bi SKRILLEX" and pants were dead, and the dirt was messy and blood from headcrabs. The familiar music wasn't played either, despite there being no menu music for Open Hexagon. The JoJ occasionally mixed in. Instead of Baby Steps showing up, two stages appeared on the menu were GIT REKT and UR NAN WUZ 360 NOSCOPD. The sight of them terrified even more. So scary that me leave out words lol.
Just then I noticed a new character pop out of the middle of the logo. A bubly, kawaii little Xenomorph poked her head out. At first she was smiling, but her smiled at what was around her. She looked happy and joyful, like she didn't really know what the fuck was going on, but she was high so fuk da detal. "Subject 13 my Alien fanfic OC?" I thought. "Gurl I wana fuk u evn moar nao!" Curiosity drove me to press ALT+F4. A short, yet lol static noise sounded and the screen faded to the picture of a catholic preist's severed cock. I wish I hadn't done so. "Tom was too much of a dumbfuck" the writing appeared again. "Wanna join FaZe?" "1v1 me faget dot dot dot"
The demonic "Do it all over again" jingle sounded again as for a split second, an image flashed. It disappeared too fast so I couldn't make it out, but I could make it out. You wanna know what it is? Fuck you! You're not so important you piece of shit! I almost felt them penetrate me and that moment made me jump. It didn't begin in Baby Steps though. I wish it did. Instead, the title card read "FaZe Tryouts Act 1v1". The game began. The ground look like the normal, but the background looked like a bitch. 13 stood normally where Triangle would be in the original game. Surprisingly, that was a well made sprite. It wasn't her classic self, but her current self. What is that current self? I'm not telling you because it's MY OC DOGHNUT STEEL!!!1!11!!1! On the opposing side of the screen where 13 was at, there was a large, silver dildo. Infront of the sex toy stood the sprite of Gardevoir with a smile on his face. The animation of 13 standing there was that she stared forward with a drooling-hungry expressions as drool came from her mouth here and there. I guess I should head to Taco Bell, I thought as I moved 13 towards SOG, but he ran away and jumped into the ring. I made 13 leap right after him.
The level teleported to one of the stages where you can get a Pokermans Emered. The background was pink with lovehearts all over. It looked gaaaay as fuck, but I was distracted by only having 4 red, white and blue pancakes to jump on and I've tried to balance 13 ontop of it as she desperately tried to keep onto fo the tampons, but I started inexplicably inflating again and 13 fell. I fell onto a wall of bloody tampons. Just as I thought I'd teleport back a loud shrek sounded and the image of this dot dot dot a bloodeye Rayquaza continued to flash over the screen. The screen completely fapped out and I heard shreks. Loud shreks from what I could SHIT it was 13 herself. I kept hearing "Shut up! Shut up!" and loud cries of not giving a shit and boredom which abruptly ended with more statics for a split moment before the screen cut to black and never went back.
Soon, the title screen appeared again. Bluckels and Blails were missing, but instead, 13 appeared. She was smiling her usual cute smile, but her body had holes. Oh, a biology lesson, goddammit. Her colors faded to a dull applesauce and butter. Even her eyes, which Xenomorphs don't have but fuk u H.R. Giger (I love you H.R. Giger pls come back as zombie Giger so my fanfic can be canon) looked oddly disfigured. This scared me so much my entire body began to go super saiyen. I scratched myself over and over as I watched a new character appear. I frowned upon seeing a pie, who had a sheer terrified expression and huddled against the sentiant glass of milk for comfort dot dot dot Poor 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286. I wanted to quit the game, but as if forced, I hit start again and the screen faded.
"Dank Weed Act 420" The stage was blank now and the background music was a swanky, better version of Smoke Weed Every Day. It nearly made me smoke weed, but something forced me to play. The stage began and 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286's sprite was, like 13's, very well done.
The environment was sticky. It looked like a bakery covered in cream, or was it SEMEN? *X-Files theme plays* Infront of Pi was the Roflcopter that gave you higher weed. I made Pie couch down and do a weeddash and I dashed ahead, crashing the oversized hair dryer. The level didn't change. The ground was a solid platform and it seemed that 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286 was going faster, faster, faster and she he crashed more stuff dot dot dot and more dot dot dot and more dot dot dot dot dot dot I noticed the music got completely off the hizzy, which scare me. Suddenly Pi crashed into a wall of walls. A loud Pichuun~ sounded, which didn't even sound like it would belong in a Hexagon game, more like frmo 2hu. Poor 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286 was eaten by [FaZe]xX_M1CR05H1ZZ1E_54M_Xx. Hypermode-realistic (lel, get it, Hyper Mode?) Semen dripped from the spikes and the jizzed Pie as the background slowly began to get filled with snoop dogg infront of my eyes. The image flashed again and soon the title screen appeared. As expected I was back on the title screen and a clown with a cream pie splattered on it's face appeared with 13. He did look scared, but her his other eye was dot dot dot How do I put it? dot dot dot sexy and hot and bled a white goo. It's personal pronouns were "Bun", "Buns", and "Bunself". Buns tuning forks were over Bun face now instead of the back of her head. Her color sheme changed from brown and orange to a very, very brown and orange. Bun dress was a lul yey.
Time for the third character dot dot dot and god, did I want to cry and weep when I saw YuriOfWind pup out of that god damn logo, putting on his snarky smile as he waved towards me without waving towords me, like he didn't know what torture would happen to him. The game was so terrifying and yet so terrifying, fivy nites at freedy's and got shizzle on this shiddazzle! but I wanted to stop not that badly, but even my right hand wouldn't make sex with me. I even started larping. I wanted to reach for the power button, turn this fucking thing on, but my hand just wouldn't move and before I knew it, I already hit STAR_ in the dick and the screen faded.
"NOSCOPD Act 360", it sad. A said, dull loli played Pokemon in the background as the silhouette of the ground - and a sprite silhouette that resembled Westly appeared infront of a background that consisted the whole group. Morgan Freeman, Mattiesensei666, Captain Kinknuckles, Heavy Weapons Guy, Nyanners, CS188, 13, 6, Bluckles, Blails, Mutahar, [FaZe]xX_M1CR05H1ZZ1E_54M_Xx, 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286, Nicholas Cage, Point, Line, Triangle, Square, Pentagon, Hexagon, Kawamura Reo, Spingebill, Bill Nye Yur10fW33d, STeR_, Boo, Kent Hovind, Carlton Bankes, Tom, Aang, Wormy, Squidward, and Mr.Krabs appeared, all in their original characters with a stoned off their asses expression. It also had Sanic Fast, but in a nearly recognizable way. He had a dot dot dot actually that doesn't matter. It looked like he would reach out to the penis infront of him. I tried to move YuriOfWind, get him out of there, but each wall wouldn't budge and YuriOfWind would do a facepalming animation. I stopped in the middle east, to my horror, the stage began to shrink and the hexagon started to close into a Pentagon. I tried moving him again, but the walls wouldn't budge or move. I walked Yuri back to the middle east the space-jews arrived in their spaceshit. He crouched down before He completely disappeared in the flashing rainbowjizz.
Do it all over again!
The red writing appeared on the screen again, only it was dripping, like blood and it was crooked. "JOJ JOJ JOJ JOJ JOJ"
Suddenly, a familiar scene faded in. I recognized it immediately. HoH SiS was playing from where the Foundation Repair cut off. It had a rer shade and Ritchard had these dot dot dot not black, not bleeding, normals eyes. Westly looked even more kawaii, at least to MLC_ST3LTH. His eyes was dope. It was like they were taken out of the pope again. Smegma was running from his joint that he was smoking. It didn't look photoshop, me forget words. It was actually animu. Ritchard pulled an Ice Cream Cone over like in the show, only like dot dot dot things, making disgusting fapping noises. I could even see them. Worst thing was that they even looked like they were enjoying it and, for a moment, I think I was too. I mean, who could resist the fappening? I could see the Nostromo in the background too. "I no longer need the JoJ." "What the fuck?" The narrator simply replied. I gagged and looked away from the screen. Out of the corner I noticed something on my bed dot dot dot on my bed dot dot dot was the bill from HoH SiS I got when getting foundation repair and sexxoring dot dot dot with it was some bonus JoJ for being the 1,000,000th customer.
So I took the JoJ and selled it on E-bay to Jerma985 for a milliondy dollars, and YuriOfWind made a new bullshit creepypasta storytime on Sally.exe, and everything was hyperrealistic ever after. What the fuck-I mean, the end.