I'm a total Super Hexagon fan much like everyone else, I like the newer games which don't exist, but I don't mind playing the classics game. I don't think I've ever played a glitchy or hacked games before, though I don't think I want to play any after that time I played a glitchy or hacked games...
It started on a terrible winter afternoon, I was playing Open Hexagon (I liked how you get to move around a circle in it) until I noticed, out of my extrasensory vision, that the milkman had arrived and put something in my doorbell as usual and left. I paused my game to go see what I got in the mail... The only thing in the Mailbox was a CD case for computers, a CD, a blood sacrifice, and a note. I took it inside.
I looked at the note first and realized it was from my dear friend Kyle (I don't know his name but we're friends), whom I hadn't heard from in 2 weeks. I know that because I recognized his handwriting, though what was weird is how it looked; it looked badly written and scratchy and somewhat difficult to read, as if Kyle was having a hard time writing it down and did it in a hurry, or maybe his handwriting was just that messy. I don't really know.
Anyway, this is what he wrote...
DESTROY THE DISK
DESTROY THE DISK
DESTROY THE DISK
DESTROY THE DISK
DESTROY THE DISK
DESTROY THE DISK
DESTROY THE DISK
DESTROY THE DISK
DESTROY THE DISK
DON'T PLAY IT
DON'T PLAY IT
DON'T PLAY IT
DON'T PLAY IT
DON'T PLAY IT
DON'T PLAY IT
DESTROY THE DISK
DESTROY THE DISK
k thx by
Well, that was certainly weird. Even though Kyle IS my best friend and I haven't seen him in 2 weeks, I didn't do what he asked me. I didn't think that a simple gaming disc would do anything bad to him, after all it's just a game right? Boy, was I right about that...
ANY way, I looked at the disc and it looks like Some Ordinary Computer CD-R Disc, except it had black marker on it written "SUPERHEXAGON.EXE", and it was much unlike Kyle's handwriting, except I have no idea what his handwriting looks like, but that must be meaning that he must've gotten it from someone else, like a pawn shop or eBay or that old guy who wanders around town and give people games. Legally, he's not allowed around childeren, but eh, nobody's patrolling the area. When I saw "SUPER HEXAGON" on the writing of the CD, I was actually excited and wanted to play it, since I'm a a BIG Super Hexagon fan, and I have no idea what redundancy is.
I went up to my room and turned on my computer and put the disc in and installed the game. When the title screen popped up I noticed that it was the first and only Super Hexagon game, I was like "Awesome!" Because like I said earlier I liked the newer games, remember? The first thing I noticed that was out of place was when I pressed A, there's was a split second when I saw the title image turned into something much different, something that I now consider horrifying, before cutting to black.
I remember what the image looked like in that split second before the game cut to black because I'm just that perfect; The background had darkened, the title emblem was rusted and ruined, with rust; the ESC-QUIT was now instead SEGA 666, and the logo had turned red, like blood, except it looked hyper-realistic. HYPER REALISTIC TEXT!!!
But the freakiest thing that was in that split second frame was the START GAME button, it was SO FUCKING NORMAL and dripped with blood. I was rather disturbed about that image when I saw it, though I figured that it was just a glitch and forgot about it because I'm smart too guys. After it cut to black it stayed like that for about 10.5 seconds or so. And then another weird thing happened, the save file select from Open Hexagon popped up, and I was like "WTF? What's this doing in the only Super Hexagon game?", because that's really the scariset thing that's happened so far. Anyway, then I notice something off, the background was the dark black thing from the ending of Super Hexagon when (cut out for spoilers), and there were only three save files. The music was that one song that's all screeching noises and stuff from Silet Hill, only it was extended and seemed to have been in reverse and was slowed down to 5.4156200612E BPM. And the image for the save file where you see a preview of the level you're on is just red static for all three files.
What freaked me out more was the stage select, it showed only Hexagon, Hexagoner and to my surprise, Hyper Hexagonest! Now I was sure that something was up, I mean, how can you play Hyper Mode stages if you haven't beaten the regular stages, for crying out loud?
That's when I realized that this wasn't a glitchy game, it was a glitchy or hacked games.
Yep its definitely looked hacked, it was really creepy, but as a smart gamer, I wasn't scared (nah, I'm lying, my dick turned into a mangina when I saw that.), I told myself that it was just a hacked game and there's nothing wrong with that, it's just being itself. If it wants to have it's parades holding up a corrupted flag and being proud to be hacked, fine by me. I'm not going to be a modiphobe. Anyways, shaking off the creeped out feeling I picked File 1 and chose Hexagon and when I selected and got started. The game froze for about 142.009125001 seconds and I heard a creepy laugh that sounded an awful lot like that Heavy Weapons guy from TF2 before cutting to black.
The screen stayed black for about 10 seconds or more, then it showed the typical Hexagon level, except the simplistic shapes were different shades of red and the text showed only "WELCOME TO DIE". The screen faded in and the level title vanished revealing Triangle in the Hexagon level from Super Hexagon, the music was different though, it sounded like a song in reverse. Anyway I started playing and had Triangle start moving like you would in any of the 1 Super Hexagon games, what was odd was that as Triangle was running around the level there was nothing but the hexagon and a few 8-bit penis drawings for 5 minutes, that was when the peaceful music started to lower down into slow deep tones very slowly as I kept going.
I suddenly saw something and I stopped to see what it was; it was a small animal lying dead on the wall bleeding, with blood (That was when the music started to slow down), Triangle had a shocked and saddened look on his face that I never saw him have before, despite not having a face because it's a triangle, so I had him move along, and he kept that worried look on his face. As he kept moving I saw more dead animals as Triangle moved past them looking more and more worried as the music lowers and he moves past more dead animals, I was shocked to see how they all died, they looked like somebody killed them in rather gruesome ways; a squirrel was hanged on a tree with what appeared to be his penis hanging out, an Axolotol had all four of his limbs torn off, which he shouldn't be dead because Axolotols are weird like that, but Daffy Duck had his eyes gouged out and his throat slit. I felt sick to my stomach when I saw this massacre and apparently so did Triangle, except neither me nor the sentiant triangle gave a shit about Daffy because he was sorta a cunt. After a few more seconds there were no more animals and the music seemed to have stopped, I still kept Triangle to continue.
After a minute passed, after the music stopped, After-after-after-after, Triangle grew legs and was running up a wall and then he stopped, it wasn't until I saw why; Red from Pokemon was there on the other side of the screen with his back against Triangle with his eyes closed. Triangle looked happy to see Red but then I noticed Triangle had no face, obviously noticing that Red wasn't responding to him, if not acting as if he was totally oblivious of Triangles' presence. Triangle walked slowly toward Red, and I noticed that I wasn't even moving my keyboard to make him move, so this had to have been a cut scene. IT HAD TO!! DESPITE SUPER HEXAGON NOT HAVING ANY CUTSCENES IT HAD TO BE A CUTSCENE AND NOBODY CAN TELL ME OTHERWISE!!
Suddenly I began to have a growing feel of dread as Triangle walked closer to Red to get his attention, I felt that Triangle was in danger and something awesome was going to happen. I heard faint static growing louder as Triangle was but inches away from Red and stopped and stuck his top verticie out to touch him. That foreboding feeling in my gut was growing stronger and I felt the urge to tell Triangle to get away from Red as the static grew louder, even though I could just hit the right arrow key and Triangle would swerve out of the way and I could keep my goal of surviving for 60 seconds, but I'm just stupid like that.
Suddenly in a split second I saw Red's eyes open and they were two black pixels, just like that title image. When that happened the screen turned black and the static sound was off.
It stayed black for about 7.005 Femtillionths of a second, and then white text appeared forming a message like some sort of text, saying, "New Record: 00:00"
At this point I was creeped out, I didn't want to continue with the game, but my curiosity got the better of me when I saw "Next level Square at 30 Seconds".
This time I was in the Nuketown from CoD and it looked like everything was on fire.
Triangle looked as though he was high out of his wits this time. He actually looked at me and made frantic gestures to me as if he wanted to get out of the area he was in to go chug some moutain dew, noscope some scrubs, and hang with snoop dogg as fast as possible. I was starting to get freaked out by this...I mean Triangle was actually breaking the fourth wall, trying to tell me to get him or her a joint.
So I pressed ESC on the ESC key as hard as I could and the stage gameover, a low quality version of that creepy theme when you meet Gordon Freeman at the Pub as Mutahar from Super Ang Bros. 1,700 was playing as I booted up CoD Black Ops Multiplayer in my steam library with 50+ games earning me the Collection Agent badge you can see on my steam profile, trying to help him escape from whatever he was trying to run from.
Suddenly I heard that creepy laugh again... that awful, Heavy Weapons guy laugh... right after 10.0091617001 femtoseconds have passed as I helped Triangle run through the forest, and then I started seeing flashes of a nude Gardevoir popping everywhere on the screen, again with those black and red eyes. Remember that plot-point from earlier in the story?
The music changed to that one song from the anime School Days as I see Sanic Fast behind Triangle slowly gaining up on him FLYING; I learned that flying isn't running when I saw Sanic start flapping his arms like a turkey sandwich and begin flying. The flying pose his sprite was looked very similar to the doggystyle sex position, except it was just Sanic and he had the normal sanic eyes, only
THIS time I didn't finish the original paragraph, Sanic looked as though he was enjoying the torment he was giving the poor little neon-coloured three sided polygon as he gained up on him.
Suddenly when Triangle tripped (another cut scene) the music stopped and Sanic digivolved into Richnifigant from TheStickyPaddle. Triangle laid there and started fapping for 15 seconds. The scene was rather arousing to watch and I fapped up myself. But then Gardevoir appeared right in front of Triangle and Triangle looked up in horror.
Blood started to come down those blackened eyes of Gardevoir's as a grin slowly grew from his (sorry fanfic writers but watch tamashiihiroka) face as he looked down at the horrified polygon, I could do nothing but watch, or quit the game, or turn off the computer, but I just watched.
Just in a split second Frodo lunged at Triangle's right before the screen went black, there was a loud screeching noise that only lasted 5 seconds. The text returned only this time it said "CUM ON STEP IT UP" and then that god-awful laugh came with it. Incase you don't know, I really fucking hate russians.
I was so shocked by what had happened...did Frodo murder Sam? No, he couldn't have... He and Sam are supposed to be alive in the lore, right? Why did Joel do that to him?
I shook the shock off as I was brought back to the stage select, the save file that had Hexagon was different; Triangle was no longer in the screen itself but in the screen itself, which was flickering with that red static, Triangle's expression scared me, his eyes were black and bleeding, his flashy body had gone black and he had an expression of anguish on his face, he also was slitting his wrists and had dyed his hair black with multi-color stripes and wore red contacts and MCR shertz nd GC skert, Trying to ignore it and forget about the fanfic "My Immortal" I picked Hexagoner next.
The laugh came again and the screen cut to black again and stayed there for another 10 seconds, this time the level said "TOM WILL YOU JUST BREAK THE DISC ALREADY I MEAN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HOW MUCH BONE DENSITY DOES YOUR SKULL HAVE?!".
I was really freaked out by now, I couldn't really tell if this was a glitch, or a hack, or some kind of sick twisted joke... or anything really, even though I knew that this was merely a glitchy or hacked games. But despite my fear of what happened next, I kept playing, because that's a good idea. General Spears tried that in Aliens: Nightmare Asylum, so I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA NYAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
The next level looked exactly the same as the original, but it had the background of Ravenholm; it had the dark reddish cloudy sky. But it was the music that creeped me out the most: It sounded like Giygas' theme right after you beat Pokey in Earthbound. I also noticed that I was playing as Nicholas Cage, and he looked afraid just like Triangle did, though not as much, more rather he looked a little unnerved. He broke the fourth wall just like Triangle and looked as if he was about to go apeshit, but I made him move anyway.
He ran down the straight pathway in this dark level, and as he did the screen started to flicker red static a couple times and then that maddening laugh came again.
Then after a few seconds of running I notice several eggs on the metallic ground, I felt a growing sense of fear again thinking something horrible is going to happen to Mr.Cage. He looked like his face would explode while walking down the egg covered webbed corridor, but I still kept him going because he's the Cage master.
Suddenly as Cage ran, Subject 6 from AVP 2010 from the ending in the alien campaign where she molts into a queen appeared right in front of him and then red static appeared again, when the static vanished showing nothing but black screen with text saying "YOU CAN DO OTHER THINGS RIGHT NOW YOU KNOW!", I was now scared, Subject 6 found Nicholas Cage already?! What was going on?! No seriously, what the actual fuck is happening?!
Anyway red static came again and then I was back to the level, Nicholas looked like he was having fun, and Subject 6 was nowhere to be found. And this time that high-pitched squealing from the Five Nights at Freddys 1's final boss was playing.
Was this some kind of boss battle with Subject 6? I hoped to God it wasn't, honestly. I mean, I was a Xenomorph in a past life and I don't like killing my own kind, unless I have to disembowel my friend because we're trapped, but that's a different story and a bad movie.
Suddenly 6 appeared right behind Cage in what appeared to be pixelated drool, I made Cage turn and then pour a glass of tea, but 6 vanished in a hyper realistic vent before I could even finish getting out the scones, that terrible laugh went off again. Then 6 appeared behind Cage again and then I made him put the cups on the saucers, and 6 sat down on the new tatami mats that had just been placed down. Cage began sipping tea, and even I felt like I was going to get some tea, 6 was practically playing with us, she was having a lovely little tea party with me and Cage...
Another cut scene played as Cpt.Kinknuckles fell to his knees and clutched his head sobbing, I didn't give a shit, 6 was still calmly having tea with Nicholas Cage, who was now wearing the marine armor of the Colonial Marines in the Alien series.
And then in a split second 6 lunged at Cpt.Kinknuckles and she used her cute little inner mouth to eat through his skull and take a bite out of his brain, splattering hyper realistic blood everywhere.
Another text message appeared, "TOM JUST FUCK OFF ALREADY I DON'T WANT YOU TO PLAY ME ANYMORE!! THERES A POWER BUTTON RIGHT ON YOUR COMPUTER JUST PRESS IT AND MOVE ON!!"
What the hell... Just what is going on? I started to think Terry Cavanagh was actually trying to talk to me through the game... But I was too scared to think that.
I was brought back to the main menu and this time the second file box was replaced by a bucket of fried chicken that looked sad with sadness and depressed. I began to think that those are the gang signs of the illuminati on screens on the save files, but I couldn't believe it... I didn't want to believe it...
So my IQ finally passed 103 and I gained the intelligence to shut off the game and took a break. I took a nap, wish I hadn't, 'cause I then began to have the most disturbing nightmare, I was in pitch black darkness, though I was under the light given off by a lamp that hung high above my head. I could hear the cries of hentai characters. They were saying stuff like, "HARDER! HARDER!" and "Do you like that Onii-chan~?".
Their cries stopped as I then heard a laugh, his laugh... it sounded a lot like Heavy Weapons guy.
"You really fucking suck at my game. Just stop playing, ok?"
I was scared and looking around for the source of the voice...
"At this rate you're not going to pass anything."
I saw him walking toward me, flickering in and out in several directions...
"Seriously, I'm still talking and you haven't quit your damn internal dialogue and are STILL trying to play the game?"
When he grabbed me I woke up and forgot all about th dream.
After a couple of hours I decided to continue playing the game. I don’t know why, but I knew why, I had to figure out why this was happening... So I turned on the computer, turned on the game and selected Mutahar next.
I still thought that was wacky, playing as Mutahar, but anyway the level title appeared again and this time it said "TOM GO OUTSIDE FOR TWICE IN YOUR LIFE!!", which I found really freaky.
This time I was in some kind of hyper realistic hallway of death and prison rape, didn't really look like it was from any of the classic Super Hexagon games, though it has the hyper realistic style; the floor was shiny and hyper realistic, the walls were a dark greyish purple with animated girls and a few dark shitstains here and there, and there was a dark red curtain hanging above on the top part of the screen. Every 12 seconds or so that red curtain sways very slowly, but whenever you're playing the game you can see that it doesn't move. The music was oddly pleasant, a piano playing a rather sad yet peaceful song, but I knew better, this was the song that played in Zelda, only it wasn't in reverse. You know, that song in Zelda that's in reverse? Everybody knows what song so I'm not going to tell you which one.
Mutahar didn't look entirely nervous like Triangle and Nicholas Cage did, but he did have a suspicious look on his face as if he was just a bit paranoid. He did a little animation when I just left him standing, he turns his head to the left and then to the right at least twice and then gives me a thumbs up with a smile and a wink, as if had actually done something with my life. Even though I was scared outta my mind about what was going to happen, I had Mutahar continue onward. He did his usual running animation (You know, when you've called him a dried up cunt) as we continued going through the hallway.
Then I stop at a long flight of stairs leading downward, now I was nervous, even Mutahar seemed sure of himself, which was good because I really need to get him to read my shit.
As I led Mutahar down the stairs, I noticed that the walls have gotten darker and more reddish; the red torches are now carrots. Then we landed onto another dick, this one was longer than the last one (or at least it felt like it) and then we headed down another flight of stairs down, this one was much longer, took at least 1 full minute which I timed on my stopwatch I had the whole time.
And then I heard that horrid Heavy Weapons Guy laugh again and then the music slowly faded until it was quiet, as it did the walls turned more dark red and the torches were a black flame now.
When Mutahar landed onto the 3rd hallway, I noticed he now unzipped himself and out climbed YuriOfWind, who now was trying to stop himself from slitting his wrists. I couldn't blame him, I mean, if you were doing this shit, wouldn't you just wanna get out quickly?
Suddenly, Terry Cavanagh popped right in front of Yuri the same way he did Nicholas Cage and Triangle, and then red static. The red static lasted for about 15 second and then it showed me a most unpleasant image...
It was a hyper-realistim, Oooh no! It was so scary that I fucked up that line and I could go back and fix it but I can't because it was a hyper realistic picture of Morgan Freeman standing in the darkness where you can only see his face while his head and torso faded into black, and when I say hyper-realistic a million fucking times, I mean SO REALISTIC like he looked so real you could actually see the lines in his white hair, as if you could actually feel the hair if you touched the screen. Not the screen, you feel the hair.
His face...oh god, he had the most horrifying smile I had ever seen.
And that's saying something considering I saw that image at the start of the game, even though it wasn't really that scary.
His eyes are wide and normal and had cried falling out (Which also looked hyper-realistic) and there were two small black pupils in his blue eyes staring RIGHT AT ME, as if staring up my skirt. His grin was wide and friendly, it literally stretched to the sides of his face like a Cheshire Cat except Morgan Freeman was drawn in the anime style, SUGOI DESU-NE~, much like the hentai character from earlier, he had stains of on his lips as if the steak dinner he had tasted flesh and delicious.
I stared at that gruesome image for a good 30 seconds, never taking my eyes off it, I felt as if he was actually looking at me, smiling at me...that face, it just took 10 seconds for it to etch itself into my brain for good.
Then the screen flickered with red static again 3 times, and on the 3rd time I heard a hentai girl orgams, except this time it sounded distorted, demonic even...
It went back to the image again except this time there was the text again though it was messed up, but it was pretty much one of the most horrifying things I looked at since I had this game...
"I AM GOD."
It was when I read that message while looking at Morgan Freeman when it hit me, I realized right there and then.
This glitchy or hacked games was a monster, a pure evil, sadistic, all-powerful, nightmarish, demented monster...just like God. and all of his victims, including Triangle, Nicholas Cage, Mutahar, YuriOfWind, and possibly Kyle (remember him?), are just his little toys, and the game is the very gateway into his chaotic, nightmarish world and the very Hell his victims are trapped in. Maybe I'm just over reacting? Nah, I'm not.
Suddenly in an actual split second, as opposed to those fake split seconds earlier on, I screamed as the Puppet lunged at the screen screeching loudly with his mouth wide open to an unnatural length revealing nothing but a literally spiraling abyss of pure darkness before the static came again, this time much louder and distorted, so loud that it was louder than loud, I yelled and grabbed my ears as the static screeched for a good 1 seconds.
Then it stopped and showed nothing but Freddy looking at me while I was wearing the Freddy Mask and the text "GAME OVER".
As I sat there staring at the death screen, one last text came up.
The title screen
The Touhou death sound, now sounding more clear as if Reimu was just shot by something or touched something, played, AGAIN, 3 times, despite it not being in any previous parts of the story, as I looked at that text in shock and confusion.
Then I got booted back to the main menu and this time the third save file had a TV image of YuriOfWind, who was just sitting there, facepalming, and making lots of comments on how much of a fucking atrocity that this story is.
I looked at Triangle, Cage and Mutahar and I cried a bit, I pitied Yuri for writing him into this story because he's the only one with any intelligence, he was forever trapped within the game, forever tormented by that horrid author, and always will be.
Then the computer shut itself off, I couldn't turn it back on no matter what I did.
I sat there for maybe 25 seconds, horrified by what had just happened...
YuriOfWind is life, YuriOfWind is love, and I just decided to tourment him because I'm a heartless douchebag like that, which I am proud of.
I can't get the game outta mah compooter anymo'. I think it's stuck in there, but at least I managed to pull Yuri outta mah compooter's USB port.
After I sat there for 25 seconds I heard a voice right behind me, like a whisper...
"Would you make me a sandwich?"
I turned around to see where the voice came from, and what I saw made me scream...
Sitting on my bed... staring right at me...
... Was a Carlton Bankes plushie, smiling with hyper realistic bloodstains under its eyes, holding a hyper realistic sandwich.
Then I made him a sandwich and me and YuriOfWind combined to form Voltron-Senpai and we went around the world stopping crime through the power of weeaboos and anti-depressants.
OFFICIAL UNOFFICIAL FAN-SEQUAL MADE BY THE AUTHOR HERE
OFFICIAL OFFICIAL SEQUAL MADE BY THE AUTHOR HERE